Back in Bangkok but only for a couple of days. Had my first real 'Thai' massage yesterday.
In we went and Sue persuaded me to go for the 2 hr full on tie you in knots Thai massage (pun intended) so I got changed into some fetching yellow fisherman pants (all the rage over here) and a lime green silk top and laid down in this darkened room. In came this petite Thai girl who asked why "You not want oil massage?" I tried to explain but it was too difficult so I agreed to change "OK you remove all clothes now", "What - all?" "Yes, yes".
Here you have to remember I had already experienced the Thai's seeming indifference to nudity, so not wishing to seem prudish I complied even though she stayed in the room as I did it. I performed the 'difficult' maneuver by lying on the bed, putting a towel over myself and then removing the pants from underneath, thus protecting my dignity. She knelt down next to me and whipped away the towel with a sort of 'we won't be needing this' attitude and I thought OK, what do I do now? What would people I know do? I couldn't think of anything that would have helped (the only person I could think of was Billy and I thought hopping down the corridor trying to pull my pants on as I went was less than dignified) so i just tried to appear as though it was the most natural thing in the world to be lying stark naked an a bed with a young girl kneeling next to me.
Luckily it was an oil massage (luckily!? I here you say) because I was soon covered in so much oil it was impossible for her to feel how much I was sweating.
She started on the right leg massaging right up to the top (the odd 'brush with destiny' was surely an accident). Then she cupped my testicles in her hand and said "Some people like to be massaged here." and giggled (You feel shocked? - how do you think I felt!).
Actually, I cannot believe how calm I felt, I laughed (at least I think I laughed) and said "Oh do they? Well not me". A bit more giggling and she carried on massaging the leg. Phew I thought, glad I made that clear, how maturely I am handling this.
Then she moved to the other leg. It was a bit odder this time because I couldn't help thinking she may have an ulterior motive. then without so much as a by your leave she 'grabbed me' and flopped it about like a conger eel, well eel, well worm, well OK maggot and said "Mr has very good control" and then giggled again. Oh my god this is getting (getting!!) out of control. "No really, I do just want a massage, really, please." More giggling and then she did my stomach and shoulders, "Mr is a bit tense, relax." I really think she meant it too, the whole thing was so normal to her, it was bizarre.
She turned me over and except for a few more dodgy moments when she did the backs of my legs, having first found out how far apart she could get them, the rest of the hour passed without 'incident'.
Did I mention that Sue was just across the corridor? I came out and sat down next to her in the waiting area.
Masseur - "Would you like something to drink sir?" "No thanks"
Sue - "Are you sure?" "Yes", "Did you enjoy that?" "It was OK", "Are you all right?" "Yes, can we go now?"
Jesus!
Looking back I wonder if my main mistake was offering a 100 baht tip before the massage began.
"You idiot, are you mad?" Were just some of Sue's comments when I mentioned this small detail.
This traveling is too much sometimes, I am going to spend a few days lying in a darkened room.
Moral ----- Goodness knows, I don't expect anyone who is reading this would have got into the same pickle that I did, so I wouldn't worry.
It's a funny old world.
Mark
(Definitely no photo to follow!)
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